6 Fears We All Had Before Our First Gay Bar

6 Fears We All Had Before Our First Gay Bar

We all know that there are many hard parts of being an LGBTQ person, but then we recall that one time we  went to a gay club for the first time.

Where do you go? How do you dress? What if someone I know sees me? What if security spots my fake I.D?  Those are just some of the thoughts that cross the minds of gays everywhere when making their decisions.

We want a way to help other members of our community and our family and friends understand that hey, we all have these fears and all it takes is just an ounce of courage to go out there and be yourself.  So, we surveyed 6 people on what their fears were the first time they attended a gay or lesbian bar/club.

Seeing Naked Men & Women (GoGo Dancers/Strippers)

“We all have that one shy friend and, yes, don’t let the pictures fool you – I’m extremely shy!  And I thought it was going to be like the club scenes I saw in tv shows like Will & Grace, Noah’s Arc, or The L Word where the dancers ran around naked and tried to give you a lap dance the whole night.  Well, I was right! But what I didn’t realize was, if you don’t bother them they won’t bother you. They’re there to do a job, create a sexy environment and that just part of that.  Don’t think so much of it, go and have fun! Trust me you’ll have a good time!” –Drew Friday

Seeing Someone I Know

“For me, it wasn’t just the fear of seeing someone I knew, but the part of explaining why I was there. Because I never came out verbally, I was who I was and I was okay with it. But if I ran into someone I knew that didn’t have a clue as to what my sexuality was, how would you have that conversation and what would you say in a club.”  –Canaan Perry

Random Guys Dancing/Grinding On Me

“I was shy so the fear that some random guy would walk up to me and start grinding on me scared me to death. And the funny thing it, that’s what happen! I went to a club with my aunt and she pushed a random guy on me, he thought I was cute so he just started grinding on me.  After cursing him out and yelling at him, saying not to f**king touch me. He apologized and walked away.  After that,  I realized that I shouldn’t worry about that,  dancing with someone you don’t know is going to happen at a club.  Shortly after that,  I said to myself,  I’m here to have a good time and that’s what I did.”  –Michael Brown

That No One Would Want To Talk To Me

“Being overweight, thick, or obese in our community isn’t one of the futures that people look for when it comes to dating and/or sex.  And that’s one of the things people are normally looking for when they attend night club. To have a good time and potentially meet someone they’re attracted to.  And having a belly/muffin top isn’t what some would call “sexy” especially in our community. So I was always scared that guys wouldn’t approach me because of my outer appearance. Especially in a community where looks are always an important factor when fishing for a date.” –Brandon Brooks

My Fear Was That I Was Gay, and Me Going Would Confirm It

“For me being a 21-year-old woman in college and still in the closet, I remember my first time going to a lesbian bar like it was yesterday.  I was invited by a group of friends to a club called “Hollywood” to celebrate a friends birthday. Now, this set of friends were open and out of the closet and I told them that I was straight.  Now I had a girlfriend and always said to myself that this was just a phase and I would one day marry a man and have kids which is why I never went to gay or lesbian bars/clubs.  I felt like if I went to one then it would be real and that would mean I was really a lesbian.  But considering how all of my friends were going for a friends birthday I went.  I walked in and saw women dancing with other women, kissing, and men doing the same.  At that moment I became uncomfortable so I said to myself that I’ll do a circle around the club to try and find my friends and if I don’t see them I’ll leave. I walked around and got back to the door and as soon as I started to walk out my friends yell out my name, pull me over to them and instantly my feelings changed.  I actually had a really good time and became a regular at the local bar, in fact, I met my 1st “real” girlfriend at this same club and we were together for two years!” –Micki Gamez

Not Fitting In or Feeling Accepted

“I didn’t have any gay friends so I didn’t really know where to go and I wasn’t ready to tell anyone or even sure I was gay to ask other people. So I ended up secretly looking up gay places to go to try to meet people.  Also in Miami lesbians don’t have a club so I was afraid of I would be there on a wrong night or if I went to a gay guy’s club I would be turned away cause I was a girl. So I had a lot of fears.” – Laura Cardona

Here’s our input: if you’re gearing up to take that step and go to your first gay or lesbian club, don’t be scared, because fear is only negative energy that you MUST shake off.  Go! Trust us, you’ll have an amazing time! And hey, you may end up like our girl Micki and become one of the bars’ regulars!

Until next time!