We all know what it’s like to be judged before we are known, and it’s no different in the dating world.
“Who is the man in the relationship?” “Who is the top and who is the bottom?” “Who pays for dinner?” These are some of the most frequently asked questions geared towards both a gay men and lesbian women from curious strangers who just can’t resist.
In the homosexual world, those questions are even more common when people see two butch/more masculine women together. In an interesting video titled “Butch Lesbians Explain: Dating Other Butch Women”, YouTuber Arielle Scarcella sits down with 3 lesbian couples and gets all the deets about butch lesbians dating other butch lesbians.
Scarcella starts off the interview by saying, “Out of all the years of me being out of the closet, I’ve seen many different couples. But the main ones are normally two fems or a butch and a fem. It’s very rare you see two masculine women together.” And the more I think about it, she’s right. Why is it that we wish to conform to the stereotypical “masculine and feminine”type of relationship that society has placed upon us?
Throughout the interview, Arielle asks several questions, but the one that stands out the most is: “Why do you think it’s difficult for people to imagine two butch lesbians together, but it’s easy for them to imagine two fem lesbians together?” One couple simply replies with: “People have a preconceived notion from society of the norm, where a man and a women are suppose to be together. And people just translate that to homosexuality relationship, for a relationship to work you’re suppose to have that dynamic…but you dont!”
My thoughts are that, as a community, we often put ourselves in a box and conform to the “stereotyical heterosexual male and female relationship” in order to feel accepted. We often meet people that we find attractive, but won’t date them because they’re “too fem” or “too masculine”, as opposed to embracing the person for who they are. We listen to the opinions of our friends/family or what we’ve been taught, and try to find that balance or someone who is the opposite to what we are. So, that being said, I challenge you to date whoever the f*ck you like without anyone else’s opinion getting in the way of that.
Till next time
Check out Arielle’s video below and tell us your thoughts!